Hello everyone! After weeks of not posting anything, here I am again. Lately I've been thinking, I'm thinking about all the memories I've had with every relationship that I've been through through out the past school year.. Relationships with my teachers,some friends, and the like.. Thinking about it makes me wonder of how much trust I invested in them, in each one of them.. and for a second thought,are they deserving enough to gain all the trust that I gave them?

After watching today's episode of Joan of Arc at Qtv 11.. I wondered why I failed to ''clean up'' after involving in a mess.. and as an added to what I've been thinking, I realized that I failed to clean up, I failed to clean my heart..The following paragraphs were consisted of some foul words,If you think you cannot, for the sake of you, handle this kind of entry, kindly hit the X button. I'm bitching my heart out and I don't care what you might think.

Bitch Mode:On.

I don't know why I'm doing this, It makes no sense anyway. Galit ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko because I'm making so much fool of myself because of this entry. I hate myself for the reason that, this mess is so outdated already, a lot already happened after this mess,but I'm still hurting. I'm hurting not because of the mess,but because of the people who created their own perception of who I am..

I'm not a perfect person, I have my own disabilities, too. I can't change who I am for the sake of you because just to remind you, I'm not born to please you, Hindi ako pinaganak upang pasayahin kayo. I'm sick and tired of hearing so much from you, of your sick concerns,that is. I don't know why we kept on resurrecting this sick issue once and for all, you should've learn to let it pass, but you didn't. You didn't because you're holding every freaking "faults" that I did, but you know what? If we're going to sum up all your faults and my faults, You impaired me more, Your judgment destabilized me more. I never stepped on anyone's feet to begin with, so I can't understand why you're making me do this. Hindi naman issue dito kung sino ang mas nagbigay, and issue dito is that, I tried so hard to make you understand me that way that I deserve to be understood, but you can't.

No, I'm not saying this para malaman nyo what you've caused me, I'm doing this to free myself from all the hurting that you've caused me. Nasaktan ako at galit ako dahil sinaktan mo ako.Galit ako dahil pinipilit mo akong magbago para i-please ka, you want me to reconstruct my whole being for you own sake, for the sake na ma-please kita. Well, for your information, you're not God. I won't change just to please you.This is me. Hate me or Love me,I don't care. Kung gusto ko mang magbago, gagawin ko yun para sa sarili ko, hindi para sa'yo. You want me to open up to you whenever I'll have problems, pero did you ever care? Pinakikinggan mo ba ako? And when I shared my problems with you, diba you required me na sundin yun? Humingi ako ng advice dahil kailangan ko ng point of view, hindi para humingi ng instruction from you because this is my life, MY LIFE, not yours.

I won't say sorry kung nasaktan man kita sa mga sinabi ko dahil sinabi ko ang mga bagay na ‘to to stop you from leading my life, if want to a part of my life, I'm not rejecting you, just remember na you're the passenger and I'm the driver. I know you deserve to be heard pero If you're really brave, sabihin mo lahat ng maling nakikita mo sakin to my face, not behind my back. I'm tired of being stabbed by you. I'm tired of blaming myself when I know that all along,you're a part of this mess.

Bitch Mode:Off.

Last Hirit, if showing who I really am to you,even my bad and good side is quoted to "as being a bitch",Then I'm proud to be one. I'm tired of people who hates me for being transparent, this is me, love it or hate it, I don't care, I'm not asking for your opinion anyway.

..and She prepared for the Party!