Hey guys! How's everyone doing? Hope you like my new skin. It's from blogskins and It's not well maintained (still). I'm having a hard time fixing the layout 'cause a lot has been happening to fast.

Anyway, Mich and I went to SM Valenzuela to fish some gifts for my co-scouts, Gem and Roderick. They're leaving our family because they have to,not because they want to. Sometimes, I ask my self why do people have to leave, it hurts 'cause once oyu've developed a certain bond and love for the person,that person walks out to your life and more often than not, you'll never know the reason why.

Back to my gift fishing,we,literally toured around every floor! Only to realize that we have just one safe option,to buy pins/ key chain for our little brothers. Actually, I planned to buy gifts tomorrow,but I went shopping with Mich instead 'cause it won't be healthy if I'll by myself when I'm stuck in this dreadful situation.

When It's about time for us to go home, it was raining so hard outside,buti na lang may payong ako 'cause If I don't have one,we'll surely be soaking wet.

And when we're walking home, it's still raining but it stopped when we did something na most of you won't ironically do-pray and ask God for help!

And guess what..tumigil yung ulan.

I asked God something...sana pakinggan nya.. I'm sure papakinggan nya.di ko lang alam kung ibibgay nya yung hinihingi ko... :(

..and She prepared for the Party!

I can't believe it. I've lost the only reason why I cna still smile after a bad day,the only person who can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, the only reason why I kept on believing that there is happily ever after...Now.. I'm living again..in a world where love is a scorned as an illusion..

..and She prepared for the Party!

I can’t believe that summer’s already over. Wait, I haven’t hit the beach yet and it’s over? Hell no. Summer quickly passed by, I didn’t even realized how soon summer is. Sure, I have the weather, the sweat, and the allergies that It gives me but what I love about summer is that, it makes me find my self again. This would be my last summer as a high school student, ‘cause next year, I’ll be probably busy making all sorts of preparation for a new journey- College. Even though I didn’t hit the beach I still had so much fun! This summer thought me a lot of things. Here’s some of what I loved about this summer!

I’ve learned…

+ How to be a kid again- My playtime with my little neo print, Mika thought me so much. I revived my love for blowing bubbles, my amusement for super heroes (yeah, Super Twins counts.)

+ That it’s not important to have everything that you want, but it’s more advisable to have what you need. My boyfriend taught me how to appreciate little things; he taught me how not to sweat the small stuffs, and how to value the things that people do out of love.(I’m missing him more…)

+ To love my own size. I used to hate my massive thighs, flabby arms, and chubby cheeks so much ‘cause I thought they made me look unattractive but as what my panda said, it doesn’t matter what size I’m in, what more important is what I have inside. And I’m proud to say that I’m more than just a pretty face- I have substance, lots of it!

+ That talking to God during the darkest days makes you braver. It’s makes so much difference to have a friend who can listen into your rants 24/7, and it makes me glad that even though many teens by my age doesn’t pray anymore, I still find a friend in him whenever I call.

+ Wearing Pink helps. I have no PhD but believe me, wearing pink makes you feel prettier! Even my boyfriend wears pink now due to my influence. lol.

+ Cutting your hair really short makes you feel bolder, younger, and healthier. I wore my hair really long last year ‘cause a) it’s for a play. b) my boyfriend wants long locks. But I believe that summer means having fun and I don’t want my hair to go along the way, so I’ve decided to cut it really short, it used to be waist length and now, it’s shoulder length. Though I still miss my long hair, I know that I’m doing my self a favor, my hair was full of damage and cutting it gave it a healthier glow.

+ Friendship knows no boundaries. I’m happy to say that before leaving my school for College next year, I established good relations with many of my teachers which made me feel more secure to leave ‘cause I know that I’ll have good memories of them with me.

+ Scrap booking can really preserve memories. Since I was 12, I wanted to start scrap booking but I only have the time and opportunity this summer, It reminds me both the happy and the darker days.

+ You’re boyfriend doesn’t have to stop being your friend the moment you’re on. That’s what I’ve learned in my relationship with my boy, whenever things go wrong; He remained as the comforting best friend I know.



SO much for my rants. See you later! Sigh..I miss him…

..and She prepared for the Party!

Describe Yourself: Judge Me!

I had this pretty pink autograph which was signed by some of my grade school friends, I made each one of them signed my autograph book so that I’ll have a precious memory of how we were when we were in grade 6. I’m turning Senior few days from now, 4 years had gone by quickly-so quickly that I didn’t even see it coming.

I’ve written a couple of “Judge Mes” on some autograph books, and I wondered why I wrote “Judge me” instead of writing how I view my self- lively, pinkaholick, girly, and fun loving. I was afraid that those who’ll look at my page at the autograph will disagree- I was afraid of being judged.

Fast forward to junior year, it happened. It started long ago but I was fed up when it came all to me-all of them at one time. I don’t care who else called me a user, a flirt, a bitch. I just don’t care. I’m not asking for their opinion, anyway.

People change… not! People can change what they are but not who they are inside. Let’s face it. We all hate being judged, but admit it, we love judging other people even though we barely know them. Hindi ko alam if it’s part of human nature because few are intellectually high enough to understand well and respond well in every given situation,some are not lucky enough to have such.

Ang tao, pag pinakitaan mo ng mabuti,sasabihin plastic ka, pag pinakitaan mo ng hindi maganda, masama kang tao, period. Bakit ba laging ganun dapat ang thinking ng tao?I’ve become a victim of these judgmental people.

It’s easy kasi for them to tell na you’re a bitch/slut/flirt/user/blabber mouth or whatever they want to call you ‘cause they don’t know you. It’s rude,it’s completely rude. It’s not right to judge anyone by the way you see the person because there is so much that the eye can’t see.

No,I’m not saying this just for the sake of making patama to any one in general, I’ve forgiven those who judged me but as what I’ve said, forgetting is another thing. It’s not easy to forget what they did,what they’ve said about me,how bad they treated me, and how they made me feel.

I’m still bitter about this issue. 85% of the world’s population it already polluted with this kind of people- judgmental, narrow-minded, and awfully rude. Let’s be more transparent, Let’s aim to be the part of the remaining 15% and do the world a favor.

So what if people will start calling me a bitch, If being a bitch means being truthfully honest to myself, doing what pleases me without stepping on other people, standing up for what I believe in, and showing the world who I am really, then go ahead, call me a bitch and I won’t even care. I won’t care because this is me, Love it or loathe it-I don’t care. Love me for who I am, not for what I am. And one last thing; don’t ask me to change, neither ask me to change for YOU. Because if you can’t accept me in the first place, then you’re not worthy enough to have me by your side.

..and She prepared for the Party!

Hey guys, I’m back. Sorry for the sudden hiatus. My freaking computer sabotaged me. I can’t even believe it. Every file was corrupted and I had to start new files to replace the corrupted ones, even my pictures were gone. I feel bad about it because many of my file were really important, like the coping mechanism folder which helped me with my depression. I wanted to keep those entries though, and now I have to scan my inbox to retrieve my files, but the worse thing is that, many of my blogskins , including some that I’ll be using for the future is gone so I have to find them again, repeat the code and start from the very beginning.

But I don’t think that it’s bad enough, because luckily, My computer is already reformatted, armed with the anti-spy ware software that Kuya Mark installed to keep my computer spy ware and virus free. So cheerios for that.

Summer Training will start tomorrow, I can’t even believe that summer’s almost over, and you know what? May always feels like Sunday before Monday. Although I’m quite excited to learn again, yet it’s a shame that it’s going to be my final year in high school already, I enjoyed high school so much, I guess. I learned to value myself more and how to keep my self intact even though there were people who tried to break me. I learned a lot from high school but I know that I will learn more from college besides, I believe that there are more transparent people when I reach college, high school is too small for everyone so people tend to step on you just to stand out, not knowing what they’re missing.

I have to go. Will blog as soon as I can. ;)

..and She prepared for the Party!

My computer sabotaged me. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. My important files are gone. I have no idea how the it happened. I'm still startin from scrap. will blog soon.really.

..and She prepared for the Party!

I’m currently crazed about Joan of Arcadia, even though I’ve watched the whole season already, yet I’m still hooked and I’m still watching its season premiere at Qtv 11. It’s really ironic, of all irony of ironies, I can’t understand why every episode always hits me,big time. The thought of forgiveness was the issue on today’s episode,where Joan, thought it’s impossible to forgive his boyfriend Adam after he cheated on her. If I were in Joan’s shoes, I don’t think that I,for the sake of love, can forgive that easily. Loving and Trusting in a relationship is never easy, and it’s way harder to realize that the investment that you gave in the relationship, despite of all you efforts to make it work, will come in to a painful,heart breaking end. As what God said to Joan, sometimes we expect too much and when something happens that is probably different from what we expected, we upset ourselves.

Being in any form of relationship is never easy; we tend to spend too much time and effort to make it work because we want it to work. My best friend, Lloyd and I were talking about relationships last night, We’re both in a relationship and we’re exchanging our views about the relationships that we’ve had and our current ones… and he told me one sweet truth, that in a relationship, we’’ never know when it will end, true enough, We’ll never know. And sometimes, it’s better if we don’t know… Being in a relationship is like hiking in an unfamiliar hike site, you’ll never know which path is the best, but you’re pretty confident that you’ll make it through because you have that someone special’s hand, right by your side for you to hold. But the heck in hiking is that, you’ll never know what will happen. You might lose that person’s hand, there are many possibilities, and the other person’s hand can disappear right before you very eye, the hand who had been your strength can vanish away in a split second.

I hate to think about this because I promised my boy that he won’t hear any breakup things from me again, we’ve fought over this, and all that he’s been asking for is my faith in our relationship. I guess it’s about time for me to trust again. I’m likely the kind of person who can expect to much, I did once, ‘cause I never thought that he’ll stop loving me for a reason that until now, I don’t understand why it had happened and at that moment, all I had was my love for him but he refused it.

The experience of my heartbreak is way different from the movies, sure we fixed the damaged but it took us a long period of time to get over it. Life is not “serendipity” or “a lot like love”, it’s now the reel thing, it’s the real thing that’s happening before us. I know it would be better if our love story is all like the ones that we see in the silver screen, but life wouldn’t be that magical if that happened. Life is not a decision, it’s more of taking the right choices, and the right choices are the ones who can make you happy, the ones who can take away all the pain that you’ve been through in a single smile.

My heartbreak’s over, though a part of me still hurting, my wound over this matter has bee healed. Healing from pain is not about time, you can only be healed after you’ve decided to be cured. I believe that what we often forget to find our healing, we always wanted quick fixes, but healing takes time and decisiveness. Staying in a comfort zone will only make your wound last longer. Finding the right medication is the best thing to do, That’s what I’ve learned that I want to share with all of you.

Even if I firmly believe in forgiveness, but Forgetting is the bigger picture. It’s like writing in a black board, you can’t see the rest of the text unless you move away from it. To be honest, I’m still in the process of healing, though I’ve forgiven, Forgetting is another thing.

~Out Of Topic: To the Woman who carried my in her womb for 9 months, who raised me up for 16 years, who’s part of every picture in my life, Happy Mothers Day. My mom has no “Ph D”, nor ever an “Atty. “ right before name, but, a title isn’t a requirement to become a good mom, and I’m proud to be her daughter, her unconditional love that she continues to give me is the most sweetest treat in life. She’s been supportive through out my life and I’m really lucky to have her. She have seen me at my best and worst, and still, she loves me all the say. Now, That’s the perfect love that we’ve been looking for. Sometimes, we spend to much time looking around, not knowing that the love we’ve been looking for is right before our very eyes- the love from our mom.

..and She prepared for the Party!

I hate this predation thing in our ecosystem. and when I say hate, I mean it. I waited for this Pupa in my Tita’s garden to become a butterfly, only to realize that the mean ants, red ants to be exact, ate the Pupa. Sigh. It’s a shame that a butterfly-to-be was deprived of seeing the world. I thought about this over and over while eating lunch, I pity the poor creature. The caterpillar made several efforts, trying to find place for his make over, hoping that he’d be a beautiful butterfly and the mean red ants ate him while he’s inside the cocoon, leaving him defenseless and eating up every hope that he ever had.

No,I’m not turning into an Eco Girl, it’s just that similar things happen to each one of us, the situation I mean. We’re always hoping for the best, striving really damn hard for us to live, and after finding the perfect comfort zone, someone will pull us really down, leaving us as defenseless as the Pupa. Giving the situation a second look, we’re way lucky enough, way, way luckier than the Pupa because our life doesn’t end there, no red ants will take our lives but it’s us. We always end up eating every hop that we ever had because of a single mistake, a damn single mistake. We often feel bad about ourselves after our failing and we refuse to take a second chance, we refuse to leave our cocoon even if it’s already time to spread our wing like a butterfly.

The thought of the Pupa made me think of my experiences, about my dreams, my plans. I can even remember how chicken I was to face the many changes in my life, I refused to see the truth and assumed that I’d rather believe in a lie than leave out of my comfort zone. I had enough failings, which served as my struggle to become a butterfly. I wanted to stay in my own cocoon for as long as I can be there- but no, now I know I can’t. I cannot remain in my comfort zone forever, and yes, there must be a reason why a turning sweet sixteen girl like me is so giddy into seeing that pupa turns in to a butterfly only to realize that it’s dead already. Now I know. It’s not a co-accidence, it’s fate.

Maybe it’s about time for me to get out of my cocoon, maybe it’s God's way of saying that my wings are ready, maybe it’s an indication that I MUST spread my wings and fly. As what Buzz Light Year says, “To infinity and beyond”- I must, with all my might, conquer the life outside my comfort zone. It’s about time for a life changing change.

..and She prepared for the Party!

I pray to get anorexia. I’m quite serious about it.I’ve been lonely lately, and the bitter truth is that, I eat my emotions. Aside from writing, eating is also my way of venting my emotions-whether good vibe or bad vibe and I hate it. I’ve been gulping down every edible thing that catches my eyes… and its paid off? I now have flabby arms, chubbier cheeks, and massive thighs.. and let’s not forget my waistline who grown at least 2 inches in about a month and a half. Oh my gawd.

It all started last week,I gulped down 4 bars of Choco Mucho a week ago, I started eating more rice than I should, I’m munching everything that fancies me-no,that doesn’t include munching the yumminess Piolo Pascual. And I Hate to tell you that I hate those hot,hot 5’8 Brazillian models with an amazingly flat tummy, fatless thighs, and yes, I know they’re complete Barbie dolls,waiting to be paired up by Yummy looking Ken Dolls. But No, I’m not going to exchange my eating habits with them. I won’t settle with their tomatoes-Apples or nothing Diet,I’m not desperate to do that,no yet. I love my self even if I have these massive thighs, flabby arms, and all the imperfections that I have, these imperfections can be considered as flaws but these flaws are part of me.

At the end of the day, even if I sometimes want to have anorexia, I’d rather be floppy yet healthy, rather than be one of those hot,hot anorexic, Brazilian Models. Being Floppy doesn’t make me a good or bad person, and being super skinny is so out now, excuse me but the Kate Moss look is so last season! I’m not saying that being skinny is so unsightly, (because some are lucky enough not to worry about dieting because tit’s all in the genes) What I’m trying to say is that ,we’re all beautiful any weight we are, it’s just a matter of loving yourself from the inside, if you’re not comfortable about the way you look, you are free to seek improvement but keep in my mind that you don’t have to change to please others, you have to do it for YOURSELF. You don’t have to change for some people because more people loves you for who are you and if they can’t accept you for who you are,it’s better to think twice and make a smart move if they’re for keeps or not.

..and She prepared for the Party!

Hello everyone! After weeks of not posting anything, here I am again. Lately I've been thinking, I'm thinking about all the memories I've had with every relationship that I've been through through out the past school year.. Relationships with my teachers,some friends, and the like.. Thinking about it makes me wonder of how much trust I invested in them, in each one of them.. and for a second thought,are they deserving enough to gain all the trust that I gave them?

After watching today's episode of Joan of Arc at Qtv 11.. I wondered why I failed to ''clean up'' after involving in a mess.. and as an added to what I've been thinking, I realized that I failed to clean up, I failed to clean my heart..The following paragraphs were consisted of some foul words,If you think you cannot, for the sake of you, handle this kind of entry, kindly hit the X button. I'm bitching my heart out and I don't care what you might think.

Bitch Mode:On.

I don't know why I'm doing this, It makes no sense anyway. Galit ako. Galit ako sa sarili ko because I'm making so much fool of myself because of this entry. I hate myself for the reason that, this mess is so outdated already, a lot already happened after this mess,but I'm still hurting. I'm hurting not because of the mess,but because of the people who created their own perception of who I am..

I'm not a perfect person, I have my own disabilities, too. I can't change who I am for the sake of you because just to remind you, I'm not born to please you, Hindi ako pinaganak upang pasayahin kayo. I'm sick and tired of hearing so much from you, of your sick concerns,that is. I don't know why we kept on resurrecting this sick issue once and for all, you should've learn to let it pass, but you didn't. You didn't because you're holding every freaking "faults" that I did, but you know what? If we're going to sum up all your faults and my faults, You impaired me more, Your judgment destabilized me more. I never stepped on anyone's feet to begin with, so I can't understand why you're making me do this. Hindi naman issue dito kung sino ang mas nagbigay, and issue dito is that, I tried so hard to make you understand me that way that I deserve to be understood, but you can't.

No, I'm not saying this para malaman nyo what you've caused me, I'm doing this to free myself from all the hurting that you've caused me. Nasaktan ako at galit ako dahil sinaktan mo ako.Galit ako dahil pinipilit mo akong magbago para i-please ka, you want me to reconstruct my whole being for you own sake, for the sake na ma-please kita. Well, for your information, you're not God. I won't change just to please you.This is me. Hate me or Love me,I don't care. Kung gusto ko mang magbago, gagawin ko yun para sa sarili ko, hindi para sa'yo. You want me to open up to you whenever I'll have problems, pero did you ever care? Pinakikinggan mo ba ako? And when I shared my problems with you, diba you required me na sundin yun? Humingi ako ng advice dahil kailangan ko ng point of view, hindi para humingi ng instruction from you because this is my life, MY LIFE, not yours.

I won't say sorry kung nasaktan man kita sa mga sinabi ko dahil sinabi ko ang mga bagay na ‘to to stop you from leading my life, if want to a part of my life, I'm not rejecting you, just remember na you're the passenger and I'm the driver. I know you deserve to be heard pero If you're really brave, sabihin mo lahat ng maling nakikita mo sakin to my face, not behind my back. I'm tired of being stabbed by you. I'm tired of blaming myself when I know that all along,you're a part of this mess.

Bitch Mode:Off.

Last Hirit, if showing who I really am to you,even my bad and good side is quoted to "as being a bitch",Then I'm proud to be one. I'm tired of people who hates me for being transparent, this is me, love it or hate it, I don't care, I'm not asking for your opinion anyway.

..and She prepared for the Party!