Let's Start The Party! The Sweet Sixteen Birthday Bash!

First Week

Hello everyone! just to give you some clarification, I'm officially fine, I'm not heart broken-not now. I wasn't able to update my blog because:

Physics ate my time.
It took me a while to think of what to blog.
I was too lazy to right.
My emotional baggage kills me.

I know,I know. I just said that I'm not heart broken- because I'm okay now. The thing is, within 10 months, I'll be leaving my school, and when that time comes, I want to have the closure-everything which hurt me, broke me. I've been acting really bitchy since last week, because of this freaking emotional baggage. I want to express my rage, but I don't want to hurt those who HURT me. I don't want to BREAK those who BROKE me. I don't want to be rude- but they're forcing me to do so.

In addition to my major sama ng loob, my freaking YM caught a virus,so I can't give away messages to my friends.Kamusta naman ang kamalasan?!

I will be taking my UPCAT also this coming August 4, 12:30. I'll be taking the test at the Building of Architecture. So if you want to see me in flesh, go and find me.lol.

Anyway, thank you for those who cared and still cares,thank you to those who reminds me that despite of my roller coaster life, I still have my own reasons to be happy. thank you for those who keeps on believing in me. and to those who keeps on reading my blog.

Wo Ai Ni, Jiu Xiang Lao Shu Ai Dami. :)

..and She prepared for the Party!

My So-called First day high

Yes, Guys. I had a super duper extended vacation. But come on, Give me break! You know how cruel my teachers can be…and I believe that I deserve that long vacation. Now that my classes are officially on, I would say that this early, forgive me if I won’t blog, believe me, I would love to write an entry each single day but my lifestyle just won’t let me do so. I have a rocky year ahead.

I am voted as Scouting Organization’s Quarter Master, which means that I have to maintain the cleanliness, orderliness, and other “ness” possible inside our office. In addition to that, if something is not in order, even if it’s not my fault, I will always be the one to blame, but I guess it’s not that bad, since I won by Majority. lol. I am also the head of the Membership committee of Red Cross Youth, CMIC council. As they say, Great Positions always come with big responsibilities… and I’ll always be thankful for those who voted for me, because I know, they wouldn’t vote for me if I they don’t trust me at all.

I’m glad that most of my friends were still in the same section as mine, and now that we’re the seniors, We have to be good examples to the younger batches, isn’t that ironic? We actually love breaking laws. Only two of my friends weren’t in the same section as mine, they were transferred to the other section while most of us managed to be in the cream section.

It’s hard though, because this year, I have numerous things to make my life turn from bad to worse. Want to know what are they? Take a peek:

+ My Freaking Application forms for College. In fact, Hannah, Michelle, and I had to harass Miss Evangeline (I hope I got her name right) for my application for UP. There’s a very little chance for me to pass the UPCAT but I have to take that test so the next time that I’ll take another test, I know where to put my hands on.

+My new Positions. Enough Said.

+ The One Hour Subject Rule. The School administration imposed a new rule where in all subjects will be given an hour. So kamusta naman ang Physics,Calculus, at English with Sir Jhun na isang oras? Can you say torture?

+20 minute break. I so hate that. As in. I have 2 breaks, but only 20 minutes each, so how can we possibly east right with that schedule?

I know, this is going to be loooong school year for me, but I know, I’ll get through this. Life is tough, but I am tougher.

..and She prepared for the Party!

Rock to School!

It’s been a while since I last wrote a decent entry; it took me a while, a long while to organize my thoughts, because deep inside me, there is an empty space which bleeds like there’s no tomorrow. Okay, okay. I know, you wouldn’t want to hear me and see me turn all grumpy, grouchy, and insensitive.

I’m going to school in less than a week and I can’t help but feel excited! I feel so overjoyed that finally, I’ll have something to run into when I start to feel the emptiness again. School still means learning, This year is going to be my last and final year at high school, and after this year, life will never be the same again. I won’t come to the same school, I will not wear the same uniform again, but mostly I won’t be with the same people again. High School taught me to become strong; I faced numerous betrayals, back stabbings, and lies. I experienced the taste of first love as well as the stings of the first heart break. In High School, I met different kinds of personalities, some blended well with mine, many hurt me, but few made a difference.

Things that are going on right now may not be the best, it’s rocky and painful but I know that this way is the way to happiness. There’s still a lot of things that can happen, a lot of things to look forward to, and I won’t become all grumpy just because some jerk broke my heart. No way, hell no!

Things that I’m excited about:

+ That new, hot, hot Physics Teacher. I want to meet that yumminess who’ll surely make me love Physics.

+ Learn more. I’m in love with learning and trying new things, I love misadventures!

+New Badges. I want to attain more badges, since I’m graduating; I want to wear my sash loud and proud with new badges that will come from my own effort.

+New People. Different strokes, different folks, I’d love to meet people of different shapes and sizes.

+Sweet Sixteen. I want to be sixteen forever! I want to enjoy my birthday, with or without him.

+ New Crushes. The prospective of new hot, hot schoolmates is very high. Now, that will make me look forward to every school day.

+Allowance. Enough said.

+ ~~Forget Him.~~ Okay, this shouldn’t be included but I can’t help it, I know that the more puyatan night I’ll have, slowly; I’ll stop thinking about him. I might be running away from the problem but I have no other choice.

Things I’m not excited about:

+Late Night review sessions which will last until 2am.
+ Pressure.
+People who’ll ask me “Kamusta na kayo?”. I swear, if anyone asks me that question, I’m going to slit that person’s throat.
+Getting wet because of the rain.
+Cramming again.

For everyone, Keep in mind that the key in learning is loving to learn more, never settle for second best, always aim to become the best. Remember the song from Princess Diaries?

“Make a wish, take a chance, make a change and BREAKAWAY…”

..and She prepared for the Party!

Empty Inside

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you

I'll kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you

I'll feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink

I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

Beautiful song, but I can't appreciate the lyrics 'cause I feel so empty.Sigh. I don't know why, I shouldn't be feeling like this anyway, because as far as I can remember, few days ago, I even wrote a blog entry that I'm okay..-but that's what I thought..

I can't understand why I'm still feeling this emptiness inside.. It even makes me feel inferior about myself, I'm starting to think and feel that I'm not the kind of girl that a guy takes seriously....

My past relationship didn't end well.. because I still don't know why he walked out of my life..

and I hate it.and Hate it 'cause no matter what I do, No matter where I go, everything reminds me of him. If only I could teach my heart to love somebody else,I will.

Because I can't understand why I'm hurting like this but still, I cannot let go of what we've had..

..and She prepared for the Party!

Sweet,Really?

49 days from now, I'm going to welcome a new chapter of my life, 49 days from now, my transition from baby to Lady will come true... because 49 days from now, I will be turning Sweet Sixteen already! Yay!

I'm quite excited about this before, because I thought that when my sweet sixteen comes, I may not have the grandest birthday celebration but I have everything that can possibly make me happy-but I was wrong, Everything that makes me smile was taken away from me before I knew it, and it hurts.

Actually, I never thought that I'd make some wish list again, like I did last year 'cause I can't even find the reason to be excited about my birthday, but still, Sweet Sixteen is still Sweet Sixteen and I have no plans of not making it a birthday to remember, besides, I can only be Sixteen once!

When I was 13, I have a clear picture of who I am already when I'm 16, I thought that I'd have a boyfriend who'll treat me like a princess when I turn 16. and let’s not forget that bunch of Roses that will be delivered at my front door.

But now, 49 days and it seems like my picture of how my birthday's going to be is far from what I thought I would be. But I just don't care, with or without a boyfriend, I'm going to make my birthday a day to remember!

So Let's go to my idea of my Sweet Sixteen….Actually, I want to have the following:

16 Roses

!6 Symbolic Gifts

16 Dances

Okay,So let's now proceed to my Wishlist! I love making wish lists,I was lucky enough 'cause last year, I got everything that I wished for!

My Wishlist:

+ To know the reason why that someone walked out of my life.

+ to become free from my past who keeps on haunting me.

+Forever UNLI sa Globe.

+A Sweet message from anyone which can possibly encourage me to feel better.

+To Find the reason to Smile again.

+See Gem and Roderick.

+ A Piggy Stuff toy that can cheer me up.

+Pass all my exams (admissions tests)

+Better Grades,.

+More Transparent people.

+Friends who'll make me feel less invisible.

+To get over the pain.

~As of now, these are the things that I'm wishing for..Maybe I'll update you guys when I have new ones.. :)

Xoxo!

..and She prepared for the Party!

Art of Letting Go

I went to church yesterday... My mind was actually traveling, I kept on thinking about the things that happened the previous week, I kept on wondering why they had to leave all at the same time-leaving me defenseless and empty inside. When it was time for the Priest to give the homily, I stopped those things from invading my mind to give way for God’s words.

For the Homily, he said that "our hearts can understand the things that our mind can't. That's why the Holy Spirit dwells in our hearts, to help us understand and to clear our minds when things become gloomy."

True enough, just like the things that happened to me, I kept on asking God why he took my boyfriend away, but I can't find the reasons why. It has been a week since he left me; a week had gone by without him. Last Friday, Ate Nhel also spoke to me about this matter, 'cause they were very disturbed by the way I act because according to them, I am no longer the Sassy Jenny that they use to know.

Ate Nhel told me that it must be really painful as well for "Panda" to leave, but he had to. "He has his own reasons, but you know, It's hard when yo'’re distant to the one you love, and sometimes, It's much better if you'll let each other go… because if you're meant to be, God will find away to unify you again.", ate Nhel told me, and those words were enough to let me get over the pain.

I pondered on those words… because if I were him, I'd rather run for it and do everything to save our relationship despite of the risks, but I am not him. He has his own reasons why he preferred to end our relationship instead of saving it, and he might be hurting, too but quite not the way I'm hurting.

If you’'e thinking that I hate him for doing this to me, no I don't. I believe that this happened to make the two of us grow stronger, and even If I lost a boyfriend, I'm really hoping that I didn't lose a best friend. One of my closest friends, Ekcha, called me yesterday to check If I’m okay, She even told me that I'm on the right track, living a normal life like how I used to.

Though life will never be the same without him, I have a life when I didn't know him, when I didn't have him, and I was alright. All I have to do is to get back to that place again. My world won't stop just because he stopped loving me, He's just one of the people who'll make a difference in my life, who'll make me stronger, and will eventually leave a mark.

I know, In God's own time, I'll fall in love again, but when that time comes. I'll make sure that it would be to the right person, under the right time, for the right reasons... and that love will be worth all the tears, the pain, and the wait... And I’ll forget I ever cried.

I'm not even wishing for a Prince Charming because He may dance with me all night but He'll let me slip away when the clock hits 12, Superman can even fly me all the way to the moon but He'll leave me to save the world, Spiderman can give me the sweetest kiss but he'll vanish without even goodbye. Peter Pan will fly with me and will take me to other beautiful places but Wendy will always have his heart… Sure Aladdin might be a theft, but He'll take me to a magic carpet ride, but will he stay if he didn’t have genie? So after all, Shrek might be a slimy looking ogre, not even a handsome prince charming material, far from perfect but he'll stay with me forever, even I’m not a perfect princess, He'll appreciate me for who I am, not for what I am.. And we'll be happy forever.

My exboyfriend taught me a lot of things… he taught me how to believe in love, how to keep my self intact, and he showed me that I'm beautiful just the way I am… though I still miss him, I know that he'll be happy in whatever path that he takes, even without me. One day, He'll find his own princess, and I'll be really happy to see him with the right person in his hands... :)

Break ups are never easy, but they make us stronger. It's a part of growing up. It can even make or break you, but if it breaks you, keep in mind that it's not the end of the world, you're heart will now when It's finally home, Believe me, God will surely give you something better, better than what you’re dreaming of.

..and She prepared for the Party!

Beautiful Day

I received my license today from Red Cross, Valenzuela Chapter. I can’t help but feel so giddy about it, not because I want to show it off but I want to save lives, touch more hearts, and help those in need whenever I can. But my license is not what I’m talking about the beautiful day. The beautiful thing about this day is what happened after our graduation from Red Cross.

I’ve been a Girl Scout since I was 5, as a twinkler scout, then when I was in grade 6, Scouting resumed as a subject. I loathed it at first because I thought Scouting is a hell, but hell no, I was so wrong. Fast forward to now, it’s been 3 years, 3 years with scouting, and I have no plans of quitting.

“Kapag may kinukuha si God sa atin, May ibibigay sya sa atin na higit pa sa kinuha nya. “

At present, there are 21 senior scouting officers, but 2 of us are leaving because they have to switch schools, Roderick has to transfer to St.Mary while Gem has to transfer to Marilao ‘cause his family moved to a new place.

It’s painful for us to let them go because we’ve grown so close to each other to the point that we even treat each other as siblings. I never had a sister, neither a brother, that’s why I treat them so special; I love them from the bottom of my heart. Each one of us is special in a way or two and we already proved that scouting is not an organization; it’s a family… that’s why it’s hard for us to be parted from each other.

These people have touched my life, in scouting, I found not just a sister, but many of them, I found the most beautiful people, the most inspiring brood, and I’ve found the importance of trust, love, and respect in them. I never thought that saying good bye will be the hardest thing to do.

I believe that this is not good bye, my co-scouts might be miles away from us but they will always be in our hearts-forever. No matter what, they will always have a special spot in our hearts, Sabi nga ni Sir Ryan, Scouting is like a kapatiran, even though we’ll be graduating from high school, even though some of us will leave for reasons that they don’t want, but they had to, we’ll always be the family that we always knew. Being apart from each other doesn’t make us separated, neither out of the family because no matter what happens, our family will stay,we’ll always be together- in our hearts of hearts.

Almost all of us cried after Sir Ryan gave his message, because He’s the most loving Daddy that we’ll ever know, even though he’s not perfect, we don’t care, he transformed my life-so do everyone of my co-scouts did. I can’t imagine how I would turn out to be if I didn’t have them. God took away my boyfriend for the reasons that’s only for them to know, but I’m still blessed because I still have my scouting family who accepted me and loved me even though I can be really bitchy, really klutzy, and very hyper sometimes. They love me even if I’m not perfect-and I love them all the same.

This is the last day that we’re going to be complete, because even though many will be a part of scouting, no one can ever replace Roderick and Gem’s place. Life would never be the same without them by my side, but I believe that God has other plans for them that’s why he took them away but what matters is that, God gave us two of his wonderful creatures who touched our lives. It would be a lie If I’m going to tell you that I’ve accepted the truth that God’s taking them away from us, but I know, In God’s own time, My brothers will return to our family.

We might be miles always from each other but Roderick and Gem will always be in my heart, I’ll never forget them, and If they will decide to go back, They are always welcome.

There were times that we become so hard on God, blaming him for taking away those we love dearly, but what we fail to understand is that, God is doing that for a reason, and under the right circumstances, those who left will be replaced by better ones but still, those who left will always be in our heart-and they will never leave us, miles away might be gap but our love for them will always be the bridge to fill the gap.

..and She prepared for the Party!